When I woke up, I was presented with a wonderful surprise: an early winter break! What better way to celebrate than to go shopping?
So shopping is exactly what I did: I've been dying for a cute, versatile pair of boots for a while, but unfortunately I'm broke. So I checked out this upscale consignment shop near my school, found a pair, and was about to go try them on when an employee approached me and said "...I'm sorry, but I was going buy those boots! They've been here for a few weeks but we were banned from buying anything until tomorrow night."
I thought, okay, whatever, I'm extremely picky anyway, and I wasn't exactly attached to those boots. It's no big deal if she gets them. Besides, she promised me a huge discount, so it was okay. This girl kept going on about how I was such a nice person, and how this was my "good Christmas deed". We talked for a little bit (she was about my age, and had a roommate who went to the same school as me) - casual conversation, it was fine.
She brought out a similar pair of boots for me to try on, in the same size. I decided to try them on - they weren't as cute, but they were still in the range of what I was looking for, so it couldn't hurt. When I tried them on, though, I noticed that they were too tight in the calves, and a seam on the side had ripped. I wasn't disappointed, but I brought them to the girl to show her. She was trying to be nice about it, suggesting I bring them to a cobbler, but I didn't like them enough anyway.
I could tell that the other employees felt bad, because they began looking for boots that I might like ("you should check out these riding boots here...", but frankly, I didn't really like any of them. I took a peek around the rest of the store and walked out, but before leaving, I very kindly and enthusiastically thanked one of those employees for helping me, which she seemed taken aback by. Uncomfortably, she said "...no problem!" and I said goodbye and left...
Afterwards, I was thinking, why was she surprised by me being so nice to her? Aren't you supposed to be courteous and polite to others unless they really upset you? I mean, I was upset, but it wasn't the end of the world for me, I'll probably be able to find another pair of boots somewhere else.
I think I have trouble expressing anger. Ever since I was little, I've been taught to be polite, courteous and generally nice to everybody. I know these are good traits for a person to have, but I feel like it was drilled into my brain so much that I am now unable to recognize when I shouldn't act this way - it's like I'm a robot and this is the default setting I'm stuck on. I worry sometimes that my kindness is a cold sort of kindness as well - I can't really tell if I mean it or not anymore. I'll do nice things for people, because I'm expected to, and I really do mean well, but I can never tell if my intentions are coming across well enough.
Either way, I don't understand why people don't take kindness that well - do they expect me to be a bitch? I probably should have been angry in that situation, but frankly, I just didn't care, and I've learned that anger just isn't worth it. You can say the exact same thing more constructively without getting angry.
Maybe I should learn when it is appropriate to get angry. I need to pay better attention in the future.
Well, I have no idea whether what I was trying to say came across well, so let me know... I'm pretty tired now, time to rest. until then, goodnight!