The frustrating thing is, however, how people assume you are unhappy if you are not in a romantic relationship. I constantly have people question why I am not in a relationship. My response to them is always the same: I don't know why I'm not, but I don't need to be in one to be happy. I love my job, I love my family and friends, I graduated at the top of my class, and I have a lot to look forward to. I don't need a significant other to validate my existence.
One thing that I'm beginning to realize though, is that I may be asexual. I'm trying to grapple with this fact, and realize whether I'm actually asexual or if I just have an aversion to sexually-intended interactions. I tried telling this to a friend, and she immediately responded with, "no, you're not asexual". But I think I am. I don't crave sex, I just crave affection and companionship. I still have crushes, and I may be sexually active someday, but it won't be the end of the world if I'm not.
Because of this, and the fact that I've only had one boyfriend (I don't even know if it counts), I am very awkward around the opposite sex. I never know what to say, and at first I find it stressful, but then realize that it may be a blessing in disguise. Plus, it's not my fault if a guy only wants one thing, right? Once I realize his intentions, I immediately become cold. It's like a switch that turns off in my head. If I see a guy glancing at my chest, staring at me too much and smiling excessively, or using a bad pick-up line, I become uncomfortable and distance myself. I look down, close myself off, and begin responding with short, flat sentences. This is like a reflex that I have no control over. In a few minutes the guy gets the message and backs off.
Some people may be frustrated by this, but I feel like it's a blessing in disguise. Granted, it's made me extremely uncomfortable around men, but I feel lucky. I don't need to worry about birth control. As of now, it is also impossible for me to get knocked up or contract an STD. I say "as of now" because, who knows? I may want sex in the future, I just don't right now. But let me tell you, it's such a load off. I used to know a girl who would have a panic attack every week about how she thought she was pregnant. I also know people who have had children far too early in life that were "mistakes". I may be jumping ahead of myself here, but it's nice to not have to worry about that happening to me.
Also, being socially awkward will help protect me against unwanted sexual situations. Granted, if a person wants to rape then they will, but in my case some of the interactions leading up to that point are virtually nonexistent. Of course, protecting yourself and being educated are extremely important, I'm not lessening the significance of this. I'm just stating that awkwardness can serve as a barrier from unwanted interactions, which can be a wonderful thing.
I know some people will tell me that I'm missing out on a lot by not dating, but let me tell you, I just don't care. I don't feel like I'm missing out on much. Does that mean that I will never be sexually active? Maybe, maybe not. I'm not closed off to the idea in the future, but I just don't want it right now. Do I question my intentions constantly? Absolutely. Nothing is definite, things can change. All I know is that as far as I can tell, my standoffishness protects me from unwanted situations. At least, it has thus far, and this is something that I am very fortunate for.
So, regardless of what people tell you, it is okay to be awkward! It can even be a good thing. Embrace it! However, as an extra method of protection it is important to be educated. Here are some links that are useful:
S0, read up, and be aware of interactions. Respect yourselves, do your best to understand what you need, and if something unfortunate does happen, then don't be afraid to talk about it. And if you get in an unwanted interaction, then don't be afraid to move into awkward mode. Hell, if you really don't want to talk, then just throw 'em the face!
Ridiculous, but same idea. Enjoy, and love yourselves!
2 comments:
Hey.
Just came across your blog, at random.
Aspergers - That sounds like a heavy name for a not at all bad condition. I must say, don't believe your doctors, when they try to demoralise the fighter inside you, by telling you that you have a medical condition.
Just give it a thought, 100 years back, did that name even exist?
The answer is a big no.
Some freak said he observed it, and then the term got coined.
Remember, God has given you everything that you need, to fight it out in this life. Let no doctor, expert tell you, that you are menial in comparision with others. Just bang life hard.
To loose confidence in self is to loose urself. Never give up.
And as far as the crazy docs are concerned, remember, given the time, they would diagnose every single living person in this world with some or other medical condition.
Hey,
Thanks for your comment! I agree that, in my case, it's not at all that bad, but for some people, especially some kids, it can be really difficult. Dealing with it is just a matter of developing social skills and learning how to cope. It may take someone with Asperger's longer to develop in this sense, but how can we judge? We can't.
You're right, I think Asperger's is just a name for a specific personality type (or family of personality types). Not everyone can be the same, that is what makes us beautiful. I do think some of the intervention is a good idea (I would be a hermit had it not been for my parents helping me), but the heavily-stigmatized diagnosis doesn't feel necessary.
I just started this blog so that fellow Aspies could recognize the beauty in their lives, and that it isn't all that bad.
Thank you for your kind words. Have a beautiful day!
-pink
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