Sunday, October 26, 2008

I would like to apologize in advance for the upcoming bit of whiny bitterness.

I can't tell how accurately I percieve the world around me. I know I notice most things, but unless I'm directly told about something then it seems there's no way for me to know, unless it's blatantly obvious. I feel like I'm oblivious to certain things I shouldn't be, while I'm more aware of things that most people don't give a damn about. Things seem to slip by, as if my head isn't turned the right way at the right moment, the moment where everybody learns and I don't.

It's a struggle, a somewhat unnecessary one. I now know how to be socially appropriate, but I can't figure out where relationships stand among my peers. Is it this "social blindness" I keep hearing about for those on the Autistic Spectrum? I thought I managed to avoid that, but now I'm not so sure.

It's a shame that we can't be aware of what we're unaware of. My relationship to my environment seems to slip every now and then, and things seem to happen that completely pass me by. I wish I could have an outside source to tell me of all these things - someone who perceives everything I can't. Oh, life would be so much easier.

How can you tell how other people pick up on things as opposed to you? I wish I could compare notes with other people. Then again, nobody is perfectly normal, and everyone's brains work in different ways. I know mine functions on the drastically opposite end of the spectrum than the average, neurotypical individual's, but I wish there were a standard at which to compare these things to, if you get what I'm saying.

I apologize if I sound a bit whiny today, but I wish the filter in my brain didn't stand all alone. I wish there were a giant pool of information for everybody to share, to use as they please. I guess all we can do is try to hold on to our ever-changing social world, right?

I know I'm not the only person out there who thinks about this... for the few of you who actually read this blog, what do you think?


Gavin Bollard said...

The world is one vast vat of information travelling backwards and forwards. Everyone has their own filters on it. We see what interests us and screen out the rest. If we could see everything we'd have information overload and go crazy.

Why is it so unnatural that one person will see something completely different to another. Surely that's a strength, not a weakness.

It's the very reason why so many aspies are inventors or discoverers. We see things differently.

I know that socially, sometimes it would be nice to see the same as others but in the end, the problem is that we're just not interested in the same things. Our filters screen it out.

Leylia Petterson said...

I love this post, it shows that you are very aware of yourself and that is more important than understanding everyone else.

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