tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888467463194468789.post7186162597015163045..comments2023-03-26T05:15:01.285-03:00Comments on the other end of the spectrum.: Understanding Relationships: Benefactors vs. Leechespinkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03021125367864652400noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888467463194468789.post-86524971464776509972009-02-14T16:15:00.000-04:002009-02-14T16:15:00.000-04:00personally I dont think I fall into either categor...personally I dont think I fall into either category...mainly because I dont have any friends.Beastinblackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16001553829217827228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888467463194468789.post-49241685501159583412009-01-21T22:16:00.000-04:002009-01-21T22:16:00.000-04:00I have a few brilliant friends who are benefactors...I have a few brilliant friends who are benefactors but nobody who I'd call a leech. I can't bring myself to consider anyone like that.<BR/><BR/>Sure, there are people who follow their own agenda and who lean on me when it suits them but I often find that I get just as much satisfaction out of helping someone else as they do from being helped.<BR/><BR/>I suppose it might be a bit different if the aspie is a female. I've heard some of the things that men have said and done in that department - the wrong sorts of people casually throw these conversations around when they're in "all male" company as if they think that I belong in their group too.<BR/><BR/>I don't. I've often said that I'm not offended by anything. I guess that's not true. People can say whatever they like as slang or fictional accounts, but when they're talking about real life deeds... then it can offend me.<BR/><BR/>One last point. The undesirable element is everywhere and one thing that everyone can do is reduce their unguarded exposure to it. To be intoxicated in a public place is to take a risk, particularly if you're by yourself or not with a 100% trusted friend. (I don't mean that your friend could be suspect, just that they may be lapse in their protective duties).<BR/><BR/>I'm not saying that it's your fault if someone follows their baser instincts but I think that everyone needs to take some steps to ensure their own safety.<BR/><BR/>Fortunately, since I'm older, my clubbing days are mostly over and I don't have to worry about such things.Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8888467463194468789.post-57479150463908825762009-01-21T18:43:00.000-04:002009-01-21T18:43:00.000-04:00I've also had the experience of the benefactors an...I've also had the experience of the benefactors and the leeches. Fortunately, right now, it's all benefactors in my life. All my friendships have a good deal of reciprocity in them, as does my marriage. Reciprocity in any situation is a must for me. Otherwise, I'm in a relationship in which I'm getting the life drained out of me. Been there, done that, enough already, you know what I mean?<BR/><BR/>I have a big dose of Aspie innocence. It's not that I haven't learned from harsh experience. It's that all the harsh experience has not made me cynical, or greedy, or nasty. Cruelty never ceases to shock me. <BR/><BR/>I think the leeches see this innocence and think that they can siphon off my energy. I simply don't allow them to anymore. At some point, I put my foot down and told someone, "If you continue to bring all your problems to my door, my rate for psychotherapy is $75/hour." The leech was never heard from again.<BR/><BR/>It will get better, don't worry. The key is to decide for yourself what you will and won't tolerate. It's amazing what good people will show up in your life when you refuse to allow the other kind in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com